Do you ever have those days when it is just difficult to get things done? You start out in one direction but then get bogged down because of “stuff” that just gets in the way? The stress of the “to do list” is building while the list just gets longer…yes…that is today for me.
Even as I type this out I am watching my battery level because, on top of having a full day planned, my power cord is not responding. Oh it’s plugged in but the computer is having nothing to do with it! So now, I have to take out time (which I have little) and money (of which I have less!) and make a run to the computer store to pick up a new power supply cord…
And what was most interesting as I’m somewhat checking my heart today (figuratively speaking) I’m asking God about this…and then it hits me like the proverbial ‘ton of bricks’ of how much this can situation can match up to our own lives.
Oh were “plugged in” in the sense that we attend a good church, and/or a small group and bible study. We may even be reading our bibles and have the fish bumper sticker. Our cord is plugged in but there is no response.
There is a difference between being connected and being active… vibrant… involved… invested… deliberate… maybe we should use the word real? I don’t know about everyone but at some point in my journey with Jesus, I chose to become as transparent as I can be. I determined that I would let God into every area of my life, my heart, my relationships, and even my ministry! (What a concept!) If I was going to believe that Jesus really wants to heal my own heart, then I have to give it to Him… 100%… all in! And that meant that sometimes I have to stop and make sure that I’m not acting like I have it all together when I know that I don’t…and I don’t!
There are things in scripture that are absolute mysteries…and I’m learning to love what I don’t know as well as what I know. I’m learning that while I’m trying to love people… I don’t always know what the most loving thing is… and it hurts not having the answer. And while I believe God CAN provide abundantly, and I believe that He IS GOOD, there are times when I really want to argue with Him over what He chooses to provide. I am not OK with it…I know that He has got this but I also know that I am not good at giving things up to Him. And so sometimes I am like this stupid power cord that is still connected to my computer with only 15 minutes of battery left…connected and not charging!
“Lord, I apologize right now! At times I am ‘connected’ to You in some ways but not in all ways. I play at the relationship and You are so patient to wait for me. For me to be honest about people that I’m struggling with right now. For moments when I’m debating if I am truly correct or just want my own way. Forgive me for not forgiving others as quickly as I should…and for not forgiving myself for being human so that I can begin to recognize the humanity in others. Thank you for Your love and Your provision even when I don’t think it is enough, You will stretch me…which is what I asked for when I gave my life and said ‘Make me more like Your Son.’ Abba, I give you this Thanksgiving and Christmas season as well…may this time be used to truly Glorify You, to share You, to present You as a truly Loving God! And may Your grace so flow through me that I represent You well. And Father, because I know You do care even about the little things…may the power cord be on sale?” Amen.